You’re Not Asking for Too Much. You’re Paying Attention.

As a doula a lot of clients, friends and others have asked me, usually quietly, sometimes apologetically, but always with some shame:

Am I asking too many questions?
Am I being difficult?
Should I just trust the process and stop pushing back?

Pregnancy and postpartum have a way of making people doubt themselves (and we can talk later about why I hate the term “pregnancy brain",) especially in medical spaces where things move quickly and decisions are made in shorthand. There’s often an unspoken expectation to be agreeable, to have prior education (that is not explained or given freely) to be grateful, and to not take up too much space.

So I want to say this clearly:

You’re not asking for too much. You’re paying attention.

Yes, please pay attention to your body.
Yes, please pay attention to what doesn’t feel right.
Yes, please keep paying attention to the fact that birth and postpartum are not small events, even when systems treat them that way.

I work as a hospital-based birth and postpartum doula.

My approach is grounded in both lived experience and training. I’m DONA-trained, pursuing ICEA birth educator certification, trained in trauma-informed care, and a graduate student within the health science. I also am sleep sleep educator certified, a member of Evidence Based Birth, and provide community connections.

What that means in practice is that I care deeply about evidence-based birth. I do no care about trends, fear-based advice, or what individuals uneducated in maternal and fetus wellbeing tell you. I practice informed consent through clear communication, respect for the pregnant person’s autonomy, and continually educating myself on evidence based practices.

But evidence-based care and informed consent only work if people are allowed to ask questions.

Hospitals save lives. I believe that fully. I choose to work in hospital settings because I respect medical care and the people who provide it. At the same time, hospitals run on protocols, timelines, and hierarchies that don’t always leave room for pause or explanation.

When things move fast, paying attention can be mistaken for anxiety. Wanting clarity can be misread as resistance.

But paying attention is how people protect themselves.

It’s how someone notices when something feels different than expected.
It’s how someone realizes they don’t fully understand what’s being proposed.
It’s how someone knows they need more information before saying yes.

I want to reinforce that, as a doula, I don’t give medical advice. And, I don’t make medical decisions for my clients. My role is to support people inside the medical system, by helping translate information, slow things down when possible, and make space for your questions without judgment.

And that support doesn’t stop when the baby arrives.

Postpartum is often where people are most likely to be told their concerns are “normal” or something they just need to push through.

There’s an assumption that if the outcome looks good on paper, the experience doesn’t need attention.

But if you’re paying attention, you know when your body hasn’t recovered yet.
You know when your nervous system is still on edge.
You know when something about the experience is lingering, even if you can’t fully explain it.

None of that means you failed.
It means you noticed.

The name Phoenix Doula comes from this exact place. The legend of the phoenix is that of a bird that lives a life of continuous rebirth: always from their previous ashes. Pregnancy changes you. Postpartum changes you. And after something changes you, you have to take time to heal and adapt.

You can trust medicine and still need support.

You can be grateful and still ask for more care.

Those things are not contradictions.

So if you’re pregnant or newly postpartum and you find yourself minimizing your concerns, rehearsing your questions in your head, or wondering if you should just stay quiet—

Please hear this:

You’re not asking for too much. You’re paying attention.

And paying attention is something I deeply respect.

If you want support that treats your awareness as wisdom—and that’s grounded in evidence-based, trauma-informed care—I offer free, no-pressure consultations. We can talk through what you’re navigating and see whether working together feels right.

You deserve care that listens when you speak.